Do's and don'ts for churches and those with pastoral responsibility

What churches and those with pastoral or leadership responsibility should and should not do with regard to domestic violence.

Do's for churches

• Display posters, leaflets and information about services such as Women's Aid, Rape Crisis and independent domestic violence advocates (IDVA) in church premises, and invite speakers from local groups to raise awareness or suggest practical action
• Acknowledge domestic abuse and other forms of gender-based violence in the context of regular worship – in prayers of confession and intercession, in preaching, in the use of new hymns or liturgies, in symbol and action for healing and justice
• Be sensitive and careful in use of language and image in worship. Consider the impact or effect (both helpful and hurtful) many religious words, hymns or symbols might have on those affected by abuse.
• Display the Church of Scotland Domestic Abuse Policy and charter, outlining the Church's position on domestic and sexual abuse, and how it will work towards protection, provision and prevention in the local community. Use this as an awareness-raising exercise, perhaps to be shared with ecumenical partners.

Do's for those with pastoral or leadership responsibility

Those experiencing abuse may appreciate being invited to disclose if it feels safe and the listener is non-judgemental. They may turn to someone they trust, whether or not that person has an official role.

• DO try to find a quiet and private space to talk
• DO take time to listen and accept – don't push or force disclosure, acknowledge the strength and courage they have shown
• DO make it clear that their safety is the first priority. Specialist services, including those detailed in the Directory of Help below, will give guidance and information to help clarify options.
• DO ask how they think you or the Church could help. Be clear if you can deliver this.
• DO ask about children, if there are any, and do everything possible to ensure that children are kept informed and involved, where appropriate
• DO take a note of what you are told, the date, the context, and other factual information such as injuries or signs of distress as a record and report to your Safeguarding Coordinator and Safeguarding Service where appropriate

Don'ts for those with pastoral or leadership responsibility

• DON'T judge or dismiss what you are told
• DON'T make decisions or assumptions on their behalf
• DON'T ever tell a victim that they just need to pray harder, or forgive, or reconcile
• DON'T offer to mediate or to confront the abusing partner, or put the victim, children or yourself in danger